A blog which highlights the verbosity and purple prose put out by certain architects and developers to justify their 'creations'. This will at times be expanded to include other 'creatives' and planning departments.'Child with balloon' renders a particular favourite.
"Architects are pretty much high-class whores. We can turn down projects the way they can turn down some clients, but we've both got to say yes to someone if we want to stay in business."
Philip Johnson
Showing posts with label NemesisRepublic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label NemesisRepublic. Show all posts
I have @BillEllson to thank for this; on Twitter he called it "pretentious guff" and I wouldn't dare argue...
"The site location is situated adjacent to the A12 northern approach to the Blackwall Tunnel"
Yes, it does make one yearn for open stretches of water, perhaps the mighty sea, anything to escape from the constant roar of traffic and the stench of exhaust fumes.
Indeed, as it says in the bumph:
"The bespoke design took inspiration from the presence of the River Thames, reflecting the calming form of the flowing water surface..."
"You truly are an idiot, you make me want to drink a bottle of bleach"
A little humour via t'internet, as frankly I can't really be too arsed at the moment to try to be original. It's so much easier stealing stuff from others. All art is theft, right? Well, 99.9% of architects aren't original in their output are they? So why should I attempt it?
I loved this and thought Archibollocks readers would also. I leave it to you to decide which of the two is talking the bollocks...
*With thanks to @Anthony_DiMase, who drew it to my attention!
And if that isn't enough, how about:
Truth Vs. Advertising: The Banana Republic Architect Ads
The Banana Republic ad with the architects—it's everywhere! And it raised some questions for us. So we asked an architect—we'll call him Frankie Lloyd—who works at "a large firm downtown with an eccentric, megalomaniac starchitect at the helm" how the ad stacked up to his reality. The answers may surprise you!
Gawker: So have you seen those Banana Republic ads?
Frankie: No, I haven't.
Gawker: Okay, pick up a copy of any magazine. Well, any medium to highbrow magazine — the New Yorker or New York mag will work well.
Frankie: Yeah, OK. I saw the one inside the cover of this week's New Yorker.Wow, the colors of those shirts are very bright!
Gawker: So what is it like being surrounded by nubile 23 year olds in khaki coordinates at all times?
Frankie: I am not really sure, to be honest with you. I think I may be involved
in some different types of architecture than these people.
Gawker: What do you mean, it's not really like that?
Frankie: Well, firstly, these people look really well-rested and almost obscenely casual. If this were a real meeting, the model on the table would have some stray marks on it. More likely, it would be shattered in a million pieces on the floor.
Also, in my experience no architects dress like that - the Liebeskind eyeglasses and black turtleneck/blazer, German expressionist style is still the bottom line at most nyc offices. Most people are executing variations on this basic Sprockets-y theme.
Gawker: Well, you guys do spend a lot of time in the airy conference room overlooking the Hudson, staring at little wooden dollhouses and making flirty-eyes at each other, right?
Frankie: I think this is a myth more dangerous than the "Michael Brady is an architect" myth. The Brady Bunch story is totally feasible if you consider that he was an architect and he got divorced, most likely because he worked too much and cheated on his wife with someone from the office. That part is probably true, but that is where the Brady resemblance to reality ends. Honestly, there is just no way he is at home doing sketches and having Peter and Cindy barge in with their completely pedestrian nonsense and still be able to get any real building done.
Gawker: Which of the ladies in this ad most resembles a lady from your office?
Frankie: There was only one woman with four or five guys in the ad that I was looking at in the New Yorker. She did not seem to reflect the disproportionately large number of Asian women in the field, so on this basis alone I won't take a stab at this resemblance question.
That having been said, there is a guy with curly hair sitting at the table who looks like a lighting designer I have worked with. Those guys are total lightweights.
Gawker: Do people wear trench coats indoors a lot at your office?
Frankie: People do tend to wear trench coats a lot. I think architects probably are really into outerwear. In our office at least, for most of the year they blast the air conditioning to keep us awake all day and maintain design productivity. I don't know if this is like an industry-wide practice, but it is very effective.
Gawker: How would you describe your cheekbones, compared to those of the architects in this advertisement?
Frankie: Yeah, I mean, compared to these people my cheekbones are so highly undistinguished. I have nothing more to say on this question.
Gawker: How often do ladies put their giant hobo bags on the conference table during a meeting? Do you think that's appropriate?
Frankie: It is somewhat common. One woman in the office rocks one of these when she goes to the construction site. She's kind of homely, but I think the bag helps the general look and it gets her the whistles and catcalls she so desperately craves from construction workers.
Gawker: Do you think these ads will inspire a lot of youngsters to become architects when they grow up?
Frankie: If I were a high schooler with architectural aspirations seeing this, it would probably be too seductive to resist. Five years in a design program, however, at a sufficiently respectable design school will bleed most of the color out of this person's palette and leave them crushed and vulnerable enough to fully engage the profession.
Apparently REX Architects from the US were 'inspired' to drop that in to the Silvery Tay by the 'Scottish bluebell'. Look just in case you didn't spot the source of inspiration there's even a picture of said flora, which is actually a harebell
...evoke a bluebell - the resulting form is an unexpected but iconographic building concept, resembling a scottish bluebell
Aw. All sorta natural and eco and fluffy wabbits stuff then.
Nothing harebrained at all about mirror glass starships surrounded by seawater and the less than sunny Scottish weather.
Dare I suggest, REX (and some are suggesting it's not so different from one you have done for Belfast and other places) stating this is a 'Scottish bluebell' in order to somehow make it seem contextual in fact is a classic of the Archibollocks genre, and yes of course we see the joke?
Now please do stop as our sides are splitting.
For those unaware of the so-called 'V and A at Dundee' (and there's far more to be said about this entire project and maybe I will over on the Republic blog) there is currently an official website where all can 'have their say' on a forum.
Today's batch of informed comment brought this post:
Shanika: Queen of the Bronx!, 05th October 2010 Says:
What up homies!
Right, let me declaaaaaaaaaaare my P.O.V for all those not initiated into how I roll. I'm Shanika,Queen of the Bronx and what I say goes-- got it?
This design by some dude called REX (crack-pot name) ain't all that. What's wiff all the biatches on this site praising this mutha f*ucka monstrosity! It just an ugly glass mess! You guys be trippin' if you fink this be what Dundee needs!
Let me declaaaaaaaaaare that this ain't iconic...................unless by iconic you mean a hot stinkin' mess then hell yeah, this be that!
Kuma, Messi or however they spelled are betta than this -- and trust me, I know what I'm talkin' 'bout coz I once redesigned my sista LaMoniqua's bathroom with lucious pink carpet and aubergine tiles so there! I know design and I know this REX fing just ain't good enough! So, you heard it from me peepz and I ain't neva wrong!
There's an entire lifetime's worth of Archibollocks currently being spouted there. There's also a certain amount of sense.
...As others again have mentioned, where is the originality that was asked for in the design brief? Having looked at various architects websites, it becomes quite obvious that many other designs by Rex and others look surprisingly like this latest "unique" design; with Zurich, Belfast & Seattle (to mention a few) all having very similar external forms and finishes...
Don't forget also to check out Dave at Auchterness's alternative proposals for the site.
The Borg seek perfection
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[image: How to build the perfect town - the centre page spread from the
Sunday Herald]
The centre page spread from the Sunday Herald
You know, I was hal...
Stauch Vorster Architects. Lame Website is Lame.
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A commenter noted that Matlosana Mall might be the work of Stauch Vorster
Architects. I headed straight for their website for evidence and
immediately thou...
THE BLADE BUILDING, READING BY SHEPPARD ROBSON
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Oh god, it's an icon! Just when you thought it was safe to reenter
architecture on the grounds that noone can afford iconic office buildings
any more, the...
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